http://anralovesgeeandeliza.buzznet.com/user/journal/ en-us http://anralovesgeeandeliza.buzznet.com/user/journal/789491/dont-want-like-eliza-cuts/ I dont want to be like Eliza Cuts
i cant even imagine it. i dont want to be like her.
i dont want to be hated without a good reason
i dont want to be blame for something that i dont even do
i dont want people to hate me for something that i want to do
i dont want to walk with an angel beside me while people wondering "How the hell she could get him?!"

I'd rather die. I'd rather stab my heart with a knife
I'd rather jump from 21 floor
i'd rather shoot my head with gun. that's better

wow, Eliza must be the strongest woman on earth

'cause it's hurt when people say that i'm a bitch
'cause it's hurt when people say that i'm a golddigger and 'whore him for dame' (without a proof)
'cause it's hurt when people blame you for something(again, without a proof)
'cause it's hurt when people think that i'm a monster
'cause it's hurt when every time someone posting your pic, someone else will say "BITCH", "I HATE HER" or "SHE'S SUCK!"

Can you feel that?
do you will survive if you are Eliza?
Can your life went good if you are Eliza?
because i cant

Can you imagine?
I have to disabled comment on my buzznet post (so they wont mocking me)
i have toi hide my profile on My Space

IT'S HURT
AND IT'S HARD
IT'S DEFENITLY HURT AT ALL

can you imagine Eliza's life?
can you imagine what Eliza tough of You?
can you sleep when there's some one send you a hate email everyday?
can you life like Eliza

Can you Feel ELIZA PAIN?

  YOU CANT

                                                                                                                                             -end-
]]> eliza cuts gerard way world most hated crew Buzznet anralovesgeeandeliza 2007-08-09T02:47:00Z http://anralovesgeeandeliza.buzznet.com/user/journal/504371/could-eliza-cuts-fanfic/  

part 1. The Hardest Part Of This....

 They all just stared at me.
“How could you? Goddamit, why!? Mikey yelled at me in frustration.  I took a step back.
“It’s better this w-way!” I stuttered cautiously watching them.
“He’s been nothing but good to you!” Frank pointed an accusing finger at me.
“You just don’t get it,” I said taking another step back.
“Oh I fucking get it!  You broke his heart and left him to die!” Mikey took a step forward.
“No see, this is a favor to him…”
“You better fucking explain yourself.”
“Okay, the other day we were out walking together at this stunning park.  He had his arm around me, held me close as I rested my head against him…he even told me a few of his secrets.”
“Oh that bastard…” Mikey sarcastically said.  I shot him a look.
“Well, the whole time I couldn’t help but think how awesome he was, but then I thought about how lame I am, looks and all.  I just don’t deserve him.  He deserves a beautiful woman that can satisfy all of his needs, and will never let him down.
“…..Go on….,” he finally calmed down.
“You don’t know what it’s like to have people stare at us and get a confused look on their face like how the hell did she get him?  You don’t know what it’s like being beside him with overflowing emotions and looking up to see an angel’s face…staring back at an average one.  I want him to be happy, with someone who’s just as good as he is.”
“You need to tell him this you know,” Bob pointed out with a look of compassion in his eyes.
“He wouldn’t believe a word of it, he’d think it was nonsense.”
“Probably,” Mikey started, “because it’s not all true.  You are beautiful, especially to him.  You do make him happy, just by being there.
“I just feel like while he’s with me he’s missing out on all the other better girls out there,” My words were becoming herder to get out.
“If you could see him now he’d say you’re his soul mate.”
“…….There’s an eight year age difference you know,” I said out of desperation.
“He doesn’t care, and the way you’re looking right now, it doesn’t seem to bother you either.  Anyway, it’s the state of mind that matters.  Now get in the car, and we’ll go see him.” I shook my head as tears bubbled in my eyes.
“I wouldn’t be able to stay in that relationship knowing I’m preventing him from getting the best.”  I started to run down the street, not knowing where I was going.  My cheeks became covered in salty sadness. As I was running away I could hear him say, “She’s the one who doesn’t get it.”

 Part2. Is Needing you....


Eventually I found an old deserted park.  I quietly sat on a swing, swaying my feet back and forth.  I

looked down at my shoes.

     “ He bought me these,” I said to myself.  These were the best shoes I had ever worn; they didn’t

even need to be broken in when I first put them on.  I remember that day; we were browsing this

street full of unique unusual stores.  Then he found a Bazaar.

     “ Hey let’s check this one out!” he pulled on my hand, while running inside.  There was a shelf full

of footwear, never worn, yet all from different decades of the 1900s.

     “ Ooo these would look fabulous on you!” I held up a pair of go-go boots.

     “ Oh yes absolutely super!” He said in a silly gay voice.

     “ How ‘bout those?” He came up from behind and put his arms around me.

     “ What the baby doll shoes?”

     “ No, the ones next to them, on the right.” There was a pair of old-school black and white

sneakers.

     “ Oh they look awesome!” I picked them up and analyzed the design.

     “ Well, I think they’d look more awesome on you.”

     I laughed, “ Wow, despite the intoxicating corniness that was rather sweet.”

     He smiled back at me.  “ Wait outside while I pay for these.”

     “ Thanks,” I kissed him on the cheek and headed for the bench I saw next to a tree and a

trashcan.

*    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *

I sighed deeply.

      “ Where am I?”  I looked up and realized my surroundings.  There weren’t any houses just old

stores, similar to the ones he took me to, but looked like they hadn’t been open for years, a tad

creepy.  It didn’t help that I was alone either, and had none of my belongings since they were left in

his room.  I kind of wish someone would just come up and take me somewhere warm and friendly;

but there were no cars passing by, no people walking or jogging.  Like I said, it was deserted, and I

was lonely.  

     “Well, there’s no use being here,” I got up and continued down the street.  There was

dreariness; it

was gloomy. It wasn’t really bright out, more like twilight.  I’d better find a place to stay before night

comes. God knows what could happen to me.

     I smelled a mist.

     A fog was slowly, but steadily, permeating the road.  This place was either haunted or I was

hallucinating from lack of sleep.  Now I truly wish my feet hadn’t made me run off.  

     “Why did I have to leave!?” My yell echoed through the oncoming smog. I looked down at my

shoes again.

     “Because you were afraid to face love,” a familiar voice reverberated back.  My eyes tried to peer

through the thick haze, which now surrounded me.  A figure appeared ahead, that increasingly

became clearer as it came nearer.  Panic struck my chest, for it was persistent.  I shut my eyes and

cried out,

     “ Who are you!?” A hand cupped my cheek.  Tension freed from my face.

 On impulse I looked over to this source of reprieve that touched me.  It was a man’s hand, pale

and rugged, but it felt soft.  

     “What you want and need…but are afraid to have.” Instantly I had to perceive this person who

claimed to be my desire.  

*    *    *    *    *    *    *    *   


     It…was..it….him?  No, no, this person was different.  The one before me had black hair with white

streaky areas; crimson around his eyes with a face full of compassion, yet it seemed

desolate.  Besides that though, this person resembled the man that I had left.

     “ You look like…Gerard, but you couldn’t possibly be.”

     He smirked. “ I took the form of someone dear to you.”

     “So I guess I should say…what are you?”

     He removed his hand. I watched it drift to his side. “ I…am…Love.”

     In the state I was in; nothing seemed impossible.  So to see the idea of love standing here, as

something of matter, was not that inconceivable to me. Instead other thoughts came to mind.

     “ Well…you’re entrance was a bit startling if you ask me,” I openly pointed out.

     A smile spread across his face.  “ Yeah, that comes with job. Be wary though, as I can be very

deceiving; even at times I don’t even notice it.  I, Love, can come over you; but something washes

over me at the same instance, and I may lose control of myself altogether.” He took a step

forward.  Face to face, we just had…a moment.  He gazed into my eyes, and I just couldn’t look

away, like I was hypnotized.  What was he doing? Or was it, what was he about to do?  A voice

sounded in my head, and I felt it in my chest.

     “ Heart will guide you on the right path, as long as she isn’t infected.  Just listen to the one you

have, and she will not let you down; but you must listen closely to her whispers, and don’t taker her

too literally.  There is always a secreted meaning behind the messages.” All of a sudden Love

embraced me and pleasantly kissed my lips.  It was reminiscent of a poison, oh but of a newly found

saccharine rejuvenating poison that rushed through my veins and into my pacing heart; which

signaled butterflies in my stomach.  This felt like love, which oddly enough, it was. When I opened my

eyes to see the face of him, the one I now realized I loved, even more feelings and emotions came to

poison me.

     Then like that, the kiss was over.  I was cut from my chemical romance with Love; but the memory

of this moment would surely be evident in every breath I took from now on.

     “ So…I should go back,” the words escaped from my mouth.

     He grinned.  “ Don’t let me confuse you, I’m not easy to find, merely because I’m the one who has

to find you.  You’re lucky; there are many others on this Earth who want to experience what you

have, even if just for a moment.  Now, hang on, never let loose.  Keep me close to Heart and stray

from my brother…Hate.”

     “ Hate?” I have heard of it, but is it really all that bad?

     “ Yes, he can consume someone to the point of insanity.  When insane there is an ill, false love.”

     “ Is there…anyone I know who has this Hate in their Heart?”  He held my hands with his, warmth

struck what felt like my core, my soul.  I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, guessing I had to

figure out my own question. He whispered in my ear ever so delicately.

     “ Never…underestimate…the power of…Love.”

                                         part 3. I'm Okay... Trust Me  


                                 Ba-bum* * * * Ba-bum* * * * Ba-bum

                                                           The Heart calls out.

Fever- 1. Characterized by an accelerated pulse, with increase of heat, impaired functions, diminished

strength, and often with preternatural thirst.

           2. Excitement by anything that strongly affects the passions.

“Hey, “ peace broken, “are you okay?” A voice, distinct, and familiar seemed aimed towards

me. I opened my eyes; at first everything was blurry but soon came into focus.
  
“ Frank?” My voice hoarsely whispered. My cheek stung, which was because of the cold

ground. I rolled onto my back.

“ Can you get up?” He kneeled on my left. I moved my arm (which was somehow difficult),

a rush of relief shot through it. It didn’t look like I’d be able to even sit-up.

                “ What the hell are you doing out in the middle of the street?” He looked really concerned,

almost afraid. I looked around: I wasn’t too far away from the park, around the same spot I met-

                “ Holy shit…Ray come over here”, Frank yelled back at his car whose headlights were

shining brightly on me. Ray quickly ran over to us.

“ Is something wrong?” He said. Frank motioned for him to crouch down.

“ Feel her forehead,” Ray looked confused, but did as his friend said.

“ Fuck, she’s burning up!” he continued down to feel my cheeks.

I felt warm inside, but was I really that hot on the outside?

“You have a fever, no doubt. We need to get you back to the house pronto.” Frank slid his

hand underside my neck and helped me sit up.

“Oh God, I feel…really…dizzy.” I fell over onto his lap. Things were going a bit too fast.

“ Ray, help me carry this poor thing to the car.”

“ No, no need for that. I can walk just give me a minute. I’m only hot from...the kiss.” I

slowly stood up, but stumbled several times, I could feel myself swaying. I had that feeling when

you just wake up (my eyes weren’t even fully open), kind of drunk-like.  I walked over to the spot

where I met him.

“ Right here…” I tripped but caught myself,” he told me to go back to Gerard…and it was

funny…because…he looked just like him.” They stared at me like a run-away from an asylum. Ray

whispered to Frank.

“ She’s hallucinating, we need to get her out of here.”

“ H…Hey…I heard that,” God my words were slurring, but I had no idea why.  Before I

toppled over they ran towards me and grabbed my legs and back.

“ This really isn’t…necessary,” I didn’t struggle, for fear of falling.  They gave no reply.
                                                     
                                                          - - - -

Frank and Ray laid me down in the backseat.

“ Here drink some water,” Frank handed me a sports bottle.  I took it unwillingly.  I was

thirsty, but not for water.
The engine started. “So where’s Mike?” Since we weren’t on the best of terms right now, I

didn’t think it would be right to call him Mikey.

“ Well, he refused to come since he was still angry,” said Ray uncomfortably.

“ …and Bob?”

“ He stayed behind to watch Mikey, so he wouldn’t do anything…. destructive,”

Well I don’t blame Mike; I did kind of disrupt his previously peaceful life. And his brother…I

abandoned him in the middle of the night…leaving only a letter.  I never saw how he really felt about

my choice.  Was it fair, now, to even come back? To just assume he’d take me back after not even

giving a proper face-to-face goodbye?
  
“ Ray…Frank.”

“ Hm? Yeah?”

“ I...don’t want to leave…Gerard or any of you guys. I think I love him, I mean, I know I do.

I get a feeling about him that is so unique and much stronger than anyone I’ve been with. I’m sorry,

so sorry, for what I’ve done.”

“ So you’ve changed your mind?” Frank carefully said.

“ Well…I wasn’t really sure of anything in the first place.”

“ I understand, and there’s no need to be sorry…love can be a scary thing.”

I giggled. “ Speaking of Love, he was the one who helped me make my decision. I met him

while on that street-“

“ Love huh? You met him?” He questioned me like a child.

“ Well, yes.” I did, right?

“Hmm, you should get some rest and just take it easy until we get back home.”

“ Mhm, thanks for listening even if you don’t believe me.” I turned so my back faced

them. “Love you,” before I dozed off, I thought about how things were going to get better, since I

got everything out in the open. Now all there was to do…was wait…and let things unfold.


]]> eliza cuts gerard way my chemical romance Buzznet anralovesgeeandeliza 2007-06-29T01:19:00Z